This story HAS to be a metaphor for how your job OWNS YOUR SOUL.
On Tuesday morning, a 22-year-old man from Washington, Pennsylvania was on the way to work and decided to try to KILL HIMSELF. The man's name and job weren't released. Only his suicidal intentions.
First, he tried jumping out of his moving car. But he survived. So he went to Plan B . . . and hopped a guard rail, right into the path of a tractor-trailer. It hit him and knocked him out of his shoes . . . but he was able to WALK away.
Apparently, that was enough of a sign that this wasn't the morning where he was going to be able to successfully kill himself . . . so the guy grabbed his shoes, slid down a hill, and walked to work. WHERE HIS SOUL BELONGED.
He did end up going to the hospital, where he's still recovering.